John Herald
"We interrupt this programme to announce
The birth of, what our correspondent says,
Is a long awaited child; though far away
The wonders of satellite technology
Mean that we can go live to Bethlehem."
"The baby prophets promised has arrived,
Although the contrast could not be more stark
Between the dingy stable of his birth
And a quite remarkable new star outside.
The mother and baby are doing well.
Locals deny the landlord's explanation
That he had no room in his crowded inn
But say he was deliberately holding out
For higher prices during the census.
Insiders say the news will cause a stir
In courtly circles but a reliable source
In Jerusalem says there is no serious threat
To Herod's role as trusty of the Romans.
The sleepy town is suddenly awake;
And if I were not a down to earth man
I would say that the sound I hear is like
A heavenly choir (if I knew what it was!)
I am being approached by a rough looking mob
Of shepherds playing pipes, they must be drunk!
This is John Herald for the News at Ten."
"Well, that was very nice. But we must return
To much more serious matters. Now children
It's far too late already, time for bed
In order to give Santa a clear run.
A baby in a stable, fancy that!
Goodnight children! Sleep well! Goodnight, goodnight!"